Rule Four I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you.Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule Five It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.
Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.
If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge.
Rule One If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
Rule Two You do not touch my daughter in front of me.
You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck.
If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.
Rule Three I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots.
Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object.
However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.